There are a few things I learned for sure on this journey that I want to share. Two things matter more than anything: Personal Power and Heart Healing. Power is important because it is our "gas". It is about how much God power we can harness, access, contain, and create. It is NOT power-over, it is power with and power within.Read More
I was an ugly duckling growing up. I was a brown, skinny girl with extra hair on my arms. There were pretty girls in my class. I was jealous of that. But I was more jealous of the fact that they seemed intact. Unbroken. They seemed like they were being treated kindly at home. I could see it with my own eyes…Read More
I love frogs. When they appear in my world, I see it as a message from the Universe telling me that I need to get ready to make a leap. It is an auspicious sign to me. When it came to partners, kissing frogs was my thing.
Before we go any further, let me explain my definition of “a frog” in this context.
Simply put, a frog is a lesson in human form.
A frog is someone (male or female) who came into your life to help you build your ideal Frankenstein partner. Most importantly, they came to help you upgrade your inner world to be a match to your own Prince/Princess.
A frog is someone who showed you how you needed to be loved and how to communicate it better.
My frogs were great. I loved them. I finally realized that I needed to love myself first. Tough lesson, too.
I am done blaming frogs or myself. We are all perfectly broken so that the light can get in. We don’t have to be perfect to be great. Look at Oprah. We all respect Oprah for her integrity and her desire to serve humanity. She still has a challenge with weight (courageously self-proclaimed). We don’t need to be perfect to be great.
Those frogs were “leapfrogs”. I couldn’t see that then. I can see it now. So, I say, “Thank you for making me leap by making me uncomfortable. You were a great teacher. May your path forward be filled with joy”.
One thing I learned on this journey of self-discovery is that we meet ourselves in the people we encounter. Calling those who carry our lessons “frogs” may have started out as a joke (originating from The Frog Prince by Wilhelm Grimm). But now we can choose to view them as teachers who showed us that we were about to make a leap in consciousness. This is what makes them “Leapfrogs”. Except, we are the ones doing the leaping.
The relationship we are in tends to mirror the relationship we have with ourselves, with others, and with the Universe. This is a tough cookie to swallow for most of us, including myself. But after a decade of kicking and screaming (Hello, Resistance!), I focused on the bright side:
Relationships are spiritual assignments
I must confess that I like this fact less than I like rotten eggs. I am a romantic. So, it was hard to take in. The idea that relationships are divine assignments is not popular because it goes against the grain of the templates we have gotten so used to living in. It is more like a cultural spell that we are all under. “Till death do us part” is a great goal to have but who has a copy of the Divine plan we are all a part of?
We partner with frogs because our soul knows that there is a piece of wisdom in that encounter we need to receive or a wound to clear. Sometimes that wisdom is: “You deserve better”. We may not stop being attracted to those types but we can stop responding to the pull. Some people I can be attracted to are good for me. Some aren’t.
Not all personalities will jive with your soul. Not every person you fall in love with will have the ability to hold your heart. Your first step, in fact, the BIGGEST step, towards self-love is identifying those triggers (sacred wounds) so you can respect them while you are healing them. This is where the D-word “Discretion” comes in. Discretion doesn’t have to be a wall. It can be an awareness.
I liked kissing frogs until…
I realized that every relationship I get into leaves marks behind in my psyche. Knowing my triggers, my ultimate deal-breakers, and learning the ways I desire to be loved have helped me immensely. This valuable information came from kissing the frogs I did. I wasn’t able to offer unconditional love to kick-start their Prince-hood at the time. But I was able to receive the seed of wisdom imparted by them. And I was able to leave mine. As far as I am concerned, we pollinated each other.
This is how I found gratitude for all my past relationships. They all came bearing gifts and pains. I opened the door for them. I must have needed those messages then. This is also how I can open myself to forgiveness for my mistakes in relationships that contributed to their detriment.
My wish for you is to release the “failure” frame you may have innocently constructed around your relationship history. If you can identify one single lesson you learned through each (regardless of its duration), then you are ready to put that wisdom in your back pocket, embrace your former partners as “teachers”, and live a better life.
They were the frogs that helped you leap into a more empowered version of you.
When you view your life this way, you can begin to see who you were being trained to become and appreciate the people who gave you a hard time as your helpers on that path.
Send gratitude to your teachers. They made you better.
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