If you have ever wondered what your life purpose is and felt less than because you didn’t know what it is, you are not alone. This is one of the biggest questions we all long to answer. Until we have our own big ‘a-ha moment’, the struggles we go through can feel a lot like needless suffering.Read More
I was an ugly duckling growing up. I was a brown, skinny girl with extra hair on my arms. There were pretty girls in my class. I was jealous of that. But I was more jealous of the fact that they seemed intact. Unbroken. They seemed like they were being treated kindly at home. I could see it with my own eyes…Read More
I love frogs. When they appear in my world, I see it as a message from the Universe telling me that I need to get ready to make a leap. It is an auspicious sign to me. When it came to partners, kissing frogs was my thing.
Before we go any further, let me explain my definition of “a frog” in this context.
Simply put, a frog is a lesson in human form.
A frog is someone (male or female) who came into your life to help you build your ideal Frankenstein partner. Most importantly, they came to help you upgrade your inner world to be a match to your own Prince/Princess.
A frog is someone who showed you how you needed to be loved and how to communicate it better.
My frogs were great. I loved them. I finally realized that I needed to love myself first. Tough lesson, too.
I am done blaming frogs or myself. We are all perfectly broken so that the light can get in. We don’t have to be perfect to be great. Look at Oprah. We all respect Oprah for her integrity and her desire to serve humanity. She still has a challenge with weight (courageously self-proclaimed). We don’t need to be perfect to be great.
Those frogs were “leapfrogs”. I couldn’t see that then. I can see it now. So, I say, “Thank you for making me leap by making me uncomfortable. You were a great teacher. May your path forward be filled with joy”.
One thing I learned on this journey of self-discovery is that we meet ourselves in the people we encounter. Calling those who carry our lessons “frogs” may have started out as a joke (originating from The Frog Prince by Wilhelm Grimm). But now we can choose to view them as teachers who showed us that we were about to make a leap in consciousness. This is what makes them “Leapfrogs”. Except, we are the ones doing the leaping.
The relationship we are in tends to mirror the relationship we have with ourselves, with others, and with the Universe. This is a tough cookie to swallow for most of us, including myself. But after a decade of kicking and screaming (Hello, Resistance!), I focused on the bright side:
Relationships are spiritual assignments
I must confess that I like this fact less than I like rotten eggs. It was hard to take in. The idea that relationships are divine assignments is not popular because it goes against the grain of the templates we have gotten so used to living in. It is more like a cultural spell that we are all under. “Till death do us part” is a great goal to have but who has a copy of the Divine plan we are all a part of?
We partner with frogs because our soul knows that there is a piece of wisdom in that encounter we need to receive or a wound to clear. Sometimes that wisdom is: “You deserve better”. We may not stop being attracted to those types but we can stop responding to the pull. Some people I can be attracted to are good for me. Some aren’t.
Not all personalities will jive with your soul. Not every person you fall in love with will have the ability to hold your heart. Your first step, in fact, the BIGGEST step, towards self-love is identifying those triggers (sacred wounds) so you can respect them while you are healing them. This is where the D-word “Discretion” comes in. Discretion doesn’t have to be a wall. It can be an awareness.
I liked kissing frogs until…
I realized that every relationship I get into leaves marks behind in my psyche. Knowing my triggers, my ultimate deal-breakers, and learning the ways I desire to be loved have helped me immensely. This valuable information came from kissing the frogs I did. I wasn’t able to offer unconditional love to kick-start their Prince-hood at the time. But I was able to receive the seed of wisdom imparted by them. And I was able to leave mine. As far as I am concerned, we pollinated each other.
This is how I found gratitude for all my past relationships. They all came bearing gifts and pains. I opened the door for them. I must have needed those messages then. This is also how I can open myself to forgiveness for my mistakes in relationships that contributed to their detriment.
My wish for you is to release the “failure” frame you may have innocently constructed around your relationship history. If you can identify one single lesson you learned through each (regardless of its duration), then you are ready to put that wisdom in your back pocket, embrace your former partners as “teachers”, and live a better life.
They were the frogs that helped you leap into a more empowered version of you.
When you view your life this way, you can begin to see who you were being trained to become and appreciate the people who gave you a hard time as your helpers on that path.
Send gratitude to your teachers. They made you better.
I recently had a blessed experience with an ordinary, dead leaf on the ground. It reminded me of a huge lesson we all seem to forget: Things, people, situations change in our perception when we hold them to the light. To me this is where the word…Read More
If you want a great man, you need to be willing to train one. They don’t grow on trees, nor are they given up for adoption at ‘the good men shelter’. Some men need a Warrior Goddess, the kind of woman who….Read More
It may not be confession time, but I will say it anyway. I spent the better part of the four decades on this planet in a human body berating myself for not being perfect. Eventually, it dawned on me that being intolerant of one’s mistakes and focusing on them in exclusion of the positives is a form of…Read More
What makes the difference between our ability to choose an apple over a Twix bar when we want to lose weight? Why is it that even though we know that some of our habits are dangerous for our well-being, yet we can’t give them up?Read More
The highest level of creation on this planet is reinventing oneself. Self-transformation is a messy, arduous, faith-testing, ego-crumbling, drawn-out event. Overnight transformation sounds cool but let's face it, it would scare us. Go to sleep as a caterpillarRead More
There are words and expressions in the English language that take more than a good dictionary to comprehend. For me, self-love was one of those mysterious word combinations that took a long time to decipher.Read More
Sometimes it is hard to know the difference between suffering and growing. Does this hurt because I am feeling myself release an old pattern? Am I just stuck in my misery? Or this is the wrong job/relationship/situation for me? How do we know the difference?Read More
I don’t wear uncomfortable shoes anymore. No matter how cute they look and what a great deal they are. This feels like a great analogy for relationships. I got that as I was trying on shoes yesterday and being a girl. I was, of course…Read More
One of the skills Facebook has been teaching me is to stay neutral to what I see on my news feed. This morning I saw a quote that said, “Be the girl his ex-girlfriend will hate, his mom will love and that he will never forget“. It was posted on a page I follow. It had many shares and likes. It really triggered me and I had to look into the why…Read More
The mind is the bank of all our decisions and all our experiences. It works for our survival. The heart’s job is to help us with our soul expansion. The heart always points in the direction of love, growth, and oneness. The heart knows how to choose love over fear. The mind attaches to fear in order to stay safe…Read More
The notion of twin flames has been a source of fascination for a lot of people, including myself. Just the possibility of finding the person who can take us to the highest levels of ecstasy is very tempting and maybe the highest reward we can expect for going through earthly pains…Read More
You know, I dislike change just as much as the next person. Even good change- such as moving to a nicer house is stressful. There are some changes we fear making despite the negative ramifications of avoiding them. It’s just human…Read More